Yan's Corner - In Touch

Saturday, August 13, 2005

Looking After Parents

The warden of Rumah Seri Kenangan (Home for the aged) told this story that I read in The Borneo Post -

There was once a sick woman who suffered from nose cancer and was sent here by her children. Almost everyday, she repeatedly asked me to call her children to visit her. I called but they did not want to come. A year later, she died. And all seven children came to fight for her remains for burial because they all wanted to get "pahala" (blessing). But what is the use of fighting over a lifeless body? They should (fight for her) when she was alive.

Awat Ringkt has his reason to say this because the Home for the aged that he took care of were filled with many such old folks who were sent there by their own children or relatives. They live in sadness, stress and depression, giving up hope that their children would ever come back.

I received this "A letter to my son" yesterday in my mailbox -

Dear son,

The day that you see me old I am already not, have patience and try to understand me.

If I get dirty when eating ..... if I am not dressed ... have patience.
Remember the hours I spent teaching it to you.

If I speak to you, I repeat the same things thousand of one times ...
do not interrupt me ... listen to me.
When you were small, I had to read to you a thousand and one times the same story
until you get to sleep.

When I do not want to have a shower, neither shame me nor scold me ...
Remember when I had to chase you with a thousand excuses I invented,
in order to get you to bath...

When you see my ignorances on new technologies ...
give me the necessary time and not looka t me with a mocking smile...

When at some moment I lose the memory or the thread of our conversation...
let me have the necessary time to remember ..
and if I cannot do it, do not become nervous... as the most important thing is not my conversation but surely to be with you and to have you listening to me ...

I taught you how to do so many things ... to eat good, to dress well ... to confront life ..
If ever I do not want to eat, do not force me.
I know well when I need to and when not.

When my tired legs do not allow me walk... give me your hand ... the same way I did when you took your first steps.

Try to understand that my age is not lived, but survived. Someday you will discover, despite my mistakes, I always want the best thing for you and that I tried to prepare the way for you.

You must not feel sad, angry for seeing me near you. You must be next to me, try to understand me and to help.
Help me to walk ... help me to end my way with love and patience.
I will pay you by a smile and by the immense love I have had always for you.

I love you, son ..

Your father

I bought a book titled "Looking After Mother" from a fellow blogger, fishtail. Get a copy if you have aged parents to look after!

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