Yan's Corner - In Touch

Friday, June 17, 2005

Surrender Thoughtfully

I have been following the “Sarong Party Girl” controversy after I read the story carried by The Star. Star carried this story a week or so ago. Part of the article read –

The local blogging community is buzzy after a girl posted nude pictures of herself on the internet. Writing under the moniker Sarong Party Girl, her weblog chronicles her life and numerous sexual escapedes….

I took a “peep” into SPG’s site and was very much impressed by how a 19-year old girl writes. She writes very well. Lately, I have been very troubled by some young girls whom I know writing journals on the websites using unsparingly swearing words like “fxxx”, “Axx”, and abbreviations like WTF and the like. SPG’s postings are different.

I have been silent. Silent but listen to what she has to say. If you note, silent and listen has actually the same words. So, if you stay silent, you listen better.

SPG has been angry, but to me, she is still under control, at least in the use of language and words. This is something commendable for a girl of her age.

This morning when I logged on to her cyber home, I have heard clearly that – because her parents do not like it, she decided to take out one of her nude pictures from her cyber home!

Human nature bristles at obedience from the first moment a baby’s told, “Don’t touch!”. From then on, obedience seems like a drag: “Do your revision before you can play”, “Follow the doctor’s orders”, “You can't go..”

Obedience has to begin in the mind and the thoughts, and soon to be seen in the actions.

SPG has done it beautifully.

A moment ago, just before I started writing this post, I logged in again to SPG’s home, and she has written this –

I was very glad to have talked to my dad before I left. Because I feel a great deal more relaxed now. And while he is really upset at what I have done, he’s managed to calm me down a great deal and made me realize that hey, there really are more important things then publicity and what the media wants you to stand for. My peace of mind is definitely one of those things.

We sat around on the couch for awhile talking about stuff, the bible mostly, and Russian roulette, and love and art. All of those things, and then some. And he prayed for me, and I felt better.

I feel better. SO much better.

This is definitely a great fathers’ day present that SPG has given to her father.

11 comment(s):

Hi, Yan,

That's beautiful.

Take the story of the woman caught in adultery. Perhaps one of the most beautiful examples of communicating Christ's love in the entire New Testament is where Christ ministered to the woman who was caught in the act of adultery.

Jesus said to the woman this simple but profound statement - I don't condemn you either. Go, and don't commit this sin anymore.

The father of SPG is definitely a great father. He has met the basic need of her daughter at this moment. How many of us can do that under such circumstance? He is a great father.

another father

By Anonymous Anonymous, at 10:10 pm  

Hi Yan:
So poetic and persuasive, especially useful coming from a mother whose kids include a daughter.

Enlightening look that stands out like a beacon from the marlstorm of moralising and condescending flood of opinions I had sighted the past week since the news event spread by a mainstream paper coverage.

I wished I could have penned this piece. No way, 'cos I believe from a "male" perspective, Desiderata fails in certain vantage points!

Hope someone draws SPG's attention to this corner...

By Blogger desiderata, at 4:58 pm  

Hi Yan,

There are many teenagers out there who are probably confused. Often times this confusion arises due to broken relationships with parties of the opposite sex and it is made worse by the fact that they have been sexually intimate. maybe we could take this lesson from her lifestyle and give the young more support in what they do and encouragement when needed. The mindset of today's generation is much different from the past. many teenagers get into relationships to find love, comfort and support. These basic needs are very much unfulfilled despite better living standards and the like. This leads to much emptiness because unlike wealth which can be earned, this basic acts cannot be bought. If only there was more real love - being acceptance for the way the person is, less pressue to perform, more space for the pursuit of things that are actually meaningful to the person, people would feel more fulfilled and thus not need to turn to sex to find a sense of connection. So to parents out there take this time to embrace your child for who they are and accept them for who they want to be, show them support... Thats the highest thing you can give your child. Not money.

By Anonymous esther, at 9:56 am  

Other than the fact that she writes well do you condone SPG's morality? I guess we have to make judgement calls here. Either you love her or hate her. In other words, would you be proud if your daugther turns out like her?

By Anonymous Edward Lee, at 9:27 am  

Dear Edward,

Don't leap to judge ... Look to heal. Matthew 7:1-6

I think you have missed my point. Or may be I have not been clear.

I love "Gone with the wind". One of the characters is Melanie Wilkes. In one of the scene, Melanie and Scarlett and Mrs Mead are leaving the confderate hospital after nursing the wounded soldiers for a long day. As they are leaving, a woman approaches them wanting to speak to Melanie. The woman is a prostitute, Belle. Melanie receives her with kindness, and then takes Belle's contribution to the hospital. The other women with Melanie would not accept.

In the same movie, Scarlett and Ashley (Melanie's husband) are caught embracing each other. The two women who see them together scandalize the whole town with the news. Melanie throws a party for Ashley. The town demands that Scarlett be invited and disgraced at the party. But, Melanie does not do that. She greets Melanie with open arms and asks her to hellp receive the other guests who had all judged her and wanted to see her thrown out.

Melanie does not judge others eventhough she has every right and opportunity.

Jesus disallows any human judgement. This is why Jesus told the men who brought the adulterous woman to him in John 8 that the man without sin should cast the first stone.

Edward, when we consider our sin first we will find that we need help ourselves and are in no position to judge anyone.

Edward, if you would like to discuss the issue further, you are welcome to email me at phylliswyy@gmail.com.

Thank you for commenting.


By Blogger Yan, at 11:52 am  

Very well said Yan...

I do not think that we as regular people can JUDGE anyone for anything they have done. We are not God, God alone has the right to judge and one day he will judge everyone when their time comes.

Let us have an open mind and be forgiving to everyone and instead of judging, we should accept or learn that there are people who think differently from us. There are people who have and want different life experiences. We do not have to condone or accept what they do or think. We do not have to like or hate people based on what they think or do. Hate is such a strong and negative word, I have removed it from my vocabulary.

Edward, why can't you just accept it that people will act and think differently from you? Why do we have to make judgment calls and why do we have to condone anything? Can Yan just say that she feels that SPG has a right to do whatever she wants? Yan does not need to condone it!! She does not think that there is a necessity to condone or not. Yan may not like it, but she will not judge. She will accept. She will not emulate, she will however analyse and think.

I will not like it if my daughter did what SPG did, but its my daughter's life to live. I can only guide my daughter. I do not have to support what she wants to do, but I can still be a great father to her just like SPG's father.

Thank You Yan for supporting thought process...Thank You Yan for being a regular person and not Judging. 'Cos only God has the power to Judge.

By Blogger ival, at 12:43 pm  

Well Yan, you have yet to reply if you would be proud or happy if your daugther turns out like SPG.

It is in the human nature to judge. From young we are to taught to descern right from wrong. Personally I try not to judge prostitutes or anyone for that matter unless the person is asking to be judged just like SPG. If someone prostitutes herself so that her family may eat or survive, in a sense it is something to be admired. However my take on SPG is that she wishes to enjoy the good things in life w/o having to work for them, hence one of the reason she prefers the expats. They provide her with a good time, wine & dine & she recipocates with sexual favours. A harsh statement perhapes? Consider her line of *work*. She is a nude model. Of course there is something beautiful about the female human body and she is entitled to prostitute that as well if she wishes as well. The point is despite the fact she is clearly an intelligent girl, she prefers the easy way to the high life. Which speaks poorly about her values. So its not about her nudity or her perchant for white man but a deeper reason why she does what she does.

Let me say something about judging. SPG has clearly judged chinese men to be unworthy, small equipment or whatever. So she can't accept judgement about herself? Judge and thou will be judged I say.

I would be surprised if any person who would say they would hold SPG as a role model for their own children. Of course we cannot program our kids to be a certain personality but I would hope that if ever, I had any kids, they would work hard for what they want in life and not adopt SPG modus operandi.

By Anonymous Edward, at 2:06 pm  

Dear Edward,

If you are a father,

How do you view your children?

Do you think of them as your own possessions, like your car or computer, to use as you think right and to become a means of ego-satisfaction of your own life?

Do you use your children behaviour as a sign of how clever you are, how able you are to handle your children?

Do you use your children as channels of your personal achievement?

Do you hope that your children will be able to achieve status and prestige which you hoped for, or dreamed of?

Do you believe your children fulfil your life or even to re-live it for you?

If your answers to these questions are "yes", you will a very unhappy father.

SPG's issue is the situation where love comes in - love which spend time with children, love which watches them, love which thinks about them, love which leads them out in various exploratory paths, love which gives security and identity ... SPG's father is a great father by spending time to talk over and pray in the midst of condemnations and judgements from the world! There is a great lesson that parents can learn.


By Blogger Yan, at 3:43 pm  

Hi Yan. Nope i am not a Father but I can only say I would be greatly sadden if my daughther turns out to be like SPG. I think it is the duty of parent to teach their children what is right and what is wrong. Personally, what SPG does and her lifestyle doesnt really doesnt deserve admiration. So when u wrote about her admiringly, I think that sends out a wrong message. Hence, that is why i asked u, if u would be pleased if ur daughther turn out to be SPG. Acceptance/love of one's children doesnt not tentamount to letting them do what their instincts ask of them, if it does then one is doing them a great disservice cos one would have failed in one's duty as a parental but if you are saying she loves her father & her father loves her etc which is ur message, then perhapes I misunderstood your post and i apologise :)

By Anonymous Edward(again), at 10:49 am  

Hi Yanand also Edward:

I learnt from Both Sides Now -- at the end of the day, we need good moral grounding, and parents play that role until a child reaches the age of 18 -- an artificial age of consent.

SPG is aged 19, by her own publicity, is now ina highly volatile stage of "growing", so words like Yan's points the spiritual way by Christian outlook; Edward, you show concern as a "potential" father-- not yet one, but highly discerning what parenting involves.

Me, I'd like to think I'm a writer, poet-aspirant: let's learn from each other, till our last breath SPG too--and her parents.

By Blogger desiderata, at 7:03 pm  

Hi mummy Yan do share with your daughther and other female teens of around 13-16. balance this with biblical words they then would be able to make a correct choice...IMHO

How to be a Super SPG

Another irreverent guide brought to you by a self-absorbed, egotistical little bitch.

There are all sorts of angmos out there. They aren’t all rich, nice, interesting and pretty –in order of importance). Some are easy to snag, and some aren’t. But there will always be, for sure, some that are definitely worth snagging (otherwise I wouldn’t be here). Here are some guidelines for acquiring the object of your desire. Or the romance you require.

These are the qualities I believe a Super SPG should have. Not all necessarily have them, but I genuinely think that, well, hey. If a guy is going to spend all the money on you and let you crash at his apartment all the time, at least conform to a certain standard.

I am obviously not into the whole feminist thing. You know, where fat bitches go around proclaiming that “Not all pussies are straight, slender and stunning” Ugh. Well, the best ones are, and bitch, if you can’t be bothered to discipline yourself to go on a diet and work out, stop trying to tell the whole world that it’s image obsessed, because a shallow world is good for the genetic pool. And the girls that bother. I like submission.

Bend over and worship the Goddess.


1) Be Attractive.
For the love of god, if you’re going to have rich dinners at CHIJMES three times a week, try to exercise.
Go on a diet.
I highly recommend a Low-Carb diet. Particularly Atkins, or the South Beach Diet. I believe they are the two most strictest. And SPGs have very low self-control when it comes to indulgence –sluts are like that- So the stricter the better. I don’t know what the fuck The Martini Diet is, but you can try it, and tell me if it works. I recommend a low-carb diet because you can still drink your wine and have steak while loosing weight, and every knows how paramount good food is to good romance.

2) Be Different.
This is so fucking important.
There are days I wake up, and I think I look like a mess, and I’ve got my period and a horrible outbreak, and I just spent the whole of the last night binging on Ben and Jerry’s. But when I get lost in conversation talking about art, literature and ah… my favourite topic: Sex, I don’t think they mind that I look a mess. Boring girls get lost in double quick time, even if they’re pretty. All I can say is, read widely, watch tons and tons of indy films, go to the art gallery, get involved in forums that are frequented by people all the world over, and, be loud and dirty. Asian girls are usually inhibited, so if you’re loud and filthy, that’s different. I know it’s crazy to say ‘do it tastefully’ but it’s possible.

3) Be Independent.
Rejection is the best form of attraction. The more nonchalant you are about getting to get with him, the more he’ll want you. Don’t be too casual about it though, drop hints that you’re interesting, and that you can give him a great time over champagne and between the sheets, but for Christ sakes, don’t throw yourself at him. You’ll reek of desperation.
And I know local guys like those retarded messages with teddies made out of semi-colons and dashes and whatever else, but these guys don’t. In order to make lots of money so they can take your ass out, they work very hard, and have no time whatsoever to reply to such thick-witted, impersonal messages –that blatantly show your lack of creativity.

And among other things,

4) Don’t talk in a fake accent. If you have a tendency to lapse into it, not because you think it makes you sound oh so sophisticated (when in reality you sound like a crazy windbag) but because well, it’s hard to not to attempt to talk in an accent when you’re with him* tell him straight out. (If you can’t pronounce something, just say it anyway and ask if you got it right.) He’ll forgive you. Anyway, you should try your very best not to lapse into an accent. If you have to, take a speech and drama class. There is so much power in a sexy voice. (I’m still working on this.)

5) Wear sexy underwear.
6) Wear sexy clothing. Play dress up. Cheerleader outfits are useful–do you know how many American men have always wanted to screw a cheerleader because they’re really the only slim girls in the U.S?- So is the whole gothic burlesque mock-up (fish-net stockings, garter belts, who the hell doesn’t find that fucking kinky!). And of course the Little Black Dress, It’s a fucking STAPLE –I know that sounds so old school SPG, but hey, all women look good in small black dresses. It’s a staple whether or not you’re an party girl-

7) Don’t be afraid to suggest a ménage a trios. It’ll drive them nuts. Two hot naked Asian girls? That’s reason enough to live.

8) Be creative in bed. If you’ve never had a particularly imaginative mind and a childhood spent watching porn with your uncle while you were recovering from all the diseases little kids get, it’s time to purchase Tracy Cox’s SuperSex, and a can of whipped cream.

When I think of more, I’ll just add’em on. All suggestions welcome. Email them to me :)

As a note of caution. Some expats are only out there for a fuck. They know they’re rich, cute and desired. Be extremely careful if you don’t want to waste your time (and sanity, and what’s left of your meager morality) on those. I suppose you can tell. They are the ones that can never take you out on a date without taking you home later. The mother fuckers.

I learnt all those shit the hard way; and I’m all the more better off for it.

By Anonymous Anonymous, at 10:53 am  

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